one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
