But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
