Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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