please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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