the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
