you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I will be naked everywhere
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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