Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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