my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
