Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
