i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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