I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
