24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
