I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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