Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
