After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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