we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
this hospital has no fireball
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
