Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
