so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
