she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
