I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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