We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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