Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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