Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
