I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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