I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
