I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
