Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
YAS. BRING CRAB.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
