I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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