I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
