so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
