69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize