OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
