I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
