ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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