He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
