I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just invented taco cereal.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
