why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
