Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
