I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
