Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
