My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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