If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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