hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
