Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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