i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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