I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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