When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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