the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
