Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just pee around me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
