So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize