I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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