Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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