i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
