need another drink. this is the easiest way
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Your penis caused this!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
