I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
