I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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