I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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