his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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