How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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