i would punch a child for taco bell
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
