Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize