Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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