My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
