hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
