i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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