After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
