This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize