Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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