I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
