I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
