are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sext me about skeletons
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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