Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
