oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize