You can't motorboat a personality
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
