Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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