She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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