after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
