I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
