Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
