I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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