I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
