You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
