so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
