Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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