Kareoke will never be a sober sport
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
