i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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