we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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