I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
