After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The ass gains better be worth it
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