A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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