so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
