i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
