bring money and cleavage
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
