When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
