i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
