His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
